Epic Puns (500+ One-Liners - Only List You'll Need in 2023)

We've created the most epic list of puns in the world. A pun (or a paronomasia) is a word form that exploits multiple meanings of a term or similar sounding words. They make our brains feel fuzzy! They have a rhetorical and humorous effect on others.

Puns derive from homophonic, homographic, metonymic, and figurative language. They are idiomatic constructions of words, phrases, and common sayings to make interesting combinations that cause us to laugh.

This list of 500+ unique puns will stock you up for a good morning text, good night text, and much more! Some of these are good and some are REALLY BAD.

Funny Puns

I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.

I'm not a fan of math, but I am a fan of pi.

I'm not a fan of heights, but I am a fan of high fives.

I'm not a fan of being cold, but I am a fan of ice cream.

I'm not a fan of getting old, but I am a fan of antiques.

I'm not a fan of yoga, but I am a fan of yog-urt.

I'm not a fan of the sun, but I am a fan of sundaes.

I'm not a fan of the moon, but I am a fan of mojitos.

I'm not a fan of the beach, but I am a fan of baklava.

I'm not a fan of the ocean, but I am a fan of ocelots.

I'm not a fan of the forest, but I am a fan of foraging.

I'm not a fan of the coldest weather, but I am a fan of chilis.

I'm not a fan of the dark, but I am a fan of dark chocolate.

I'm not a fan of taxes, but I am a fan of tax refunds.

I'm not a fan of public speaking, but I am a fan of applause.

I'm not going to sugarcoat it, I'm a diabetic.

I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

I tried to catch some fog earlier. Mist!

I'm not a procrastinator, I'm just really good at putting things off.

I'm not a morning person, but I'm up for the challenge!

I'm not a fan of winter, but I can't deny that it's snow much fun!

I'm sorry, did you want a piece of cake or death?

If you don't mind, I'm going to change into my birthday suit.

I'm not sure what kind of cheese to get… I'm feeling a bit gouda.

I'm not very good at math, but I've been told I'm pretty radian.

I'm not very coordinated, but I always give it my best shot.

I'm not lazy, I'm just on battery saver mode.

My goal in life is to be as good of a person as my dog thinks I am.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

Why did the gym close down? It just didn't work out!

You know what I saw today? Everything I looked at

Funny Cat Puns

I'm feline good today.

I'm so sleepy, I must have been catnapping.

You're such a drama queen. Stop being such a cat on a hot tin roof!

I'm such a klutz! I must have been a cat in a previous life!

I'm not kitten around.

I'm feline good.

I'm feline fine.

I'm feline great.

I'm feline happy.

I'm feline joyous.

I'm feline peaceful.

I'm feline love.

I'm feline lucky.

I'm feline grateful.

I'm not a cat person, but I'd still purr-sonally love to hang out with you.

You're looking purr-fect today.

I'm so excited I can hardly cat-nap!

I'm sorry for what I said when I was hanger-cat.

I'm having a ruff day.

Let's get this paw-ty started!

That's the cat's meow!

You're such a cat-astrophe!

You're the cat's pajamas!

Funny Dog Puns

What is a dog with no legs called? A hotdog!

What is a dog that can do magic tricks called? A labradorable!

What is a dog that loves to swim called? A poodle!

What is a dog that doesn’t bark called? A mutt!

What is a dog that loves to play fetch called? A golden retriever!

What is a dog that loves Christmas called? A jingle hound!

What do you get when you cross a dog with Santa Claus? A Jolly St. Bernard!

How does Santa keep his dogs in line? With Santa paws!

Why are dogs such bad singers? Because they can't carry a tune!

What is a dog with no legs called? It doesn't matter, he's not going to come anyway!

I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of my wagging tail.

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them

Dogs never bite me... Just humans

Funny Halloween Puns

Halloween is the perfect time for puns! Here are 10 of our favorites:

I'm a vampire, so I don't do daylight savings time.

What is a ghost with a broken leg called? A hoblin! Why did the skeleton go to the party? Because he was bone to be there!

What are two witches who share a broom called? Broom-mates! What's a witch's favorite type of cheese? BOO-tique!

Why don't ghosts like parties? Because they're scared of crowds.

How do you catch a runaway pumpkin? With a pumpkin net!

What kind of music do ghosts listen to? Soul!

Funny Christmas Puns

Why did Santa cross the road? To get to the other side! -

What is the name of a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! -

What is an elf who doesn't shower called? A smelly elf! -

What is a Santa's helper called? A Subordinate Clause! -

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas? Deep and crisp and even!

What is an elf who doesn't like Christmas called? A rebel without a Claus!

I need to stop making Christmas puns, I'm starting to sound like a broken record.

Christmas is a time for giving, so give me all your money!

Santa Claus has the right idea – visit people only once a year.

Why is Christmas just like your job? A: You do all the work and the fat guy in the red suit gets all the credit!

What do reindeer hang out in when they’re not working? A: Deer clubs!

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A: Frostbite!

Where does Santa go to get his hair cut? A: The North Poll!

Santa's helper elves are known as his right hand men.

Christmas carols are a wrapping of holiday cheer.

Santa's reindeer are his sleigh team.

Christmas lights are a bright spot in the holiday season.

Give someone a holly jolly Christmas with these puns!

A Christmas tree is a pine way to celebrate the holidays.

Christmas gifts are a present to be enjoyed.

A gingerbread house is a sweet way to celebrate Christmas.

An evergreen tree is a fir way to decorate for Christmas.

I'm telling you, Rudolph is definitely on the naughty list this year!

I'm not saying that Santa is fat, but... he could definitely stand to lose a few cookies!

Santa's workshop? More like Santa's sweatshop!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas... and my credit card bill is proof of that!

I asked Santa for a new job this year. I hope he understands how the job market works.

I asked Santa for a raise this year. I hope he understands how the economy works.

I asked Santa for a new car this year. I hope he understands how traffic works.

I asked Santa for world peace this year. I hope he understands how politics works.

I asked Santa for a new body this year. I hope he understands how the gym works.

Funny Cheesy Puns

I'm not saying that I'm lactose intolerant, but I can't stand cheesy puns.

I was going to tell you a joke about cheese, but I thought it might be too cheesy

I'm not saying that you're cheesy, but you might need to cut back on the Brie.

He is such a funny guy. He Gouda make you laugh!

I'm not a fan of Limburger cheese, but it doesn't stink up our friendship.

You're such a cheesy person!

I'm trying to mature, so I've been eating more aged cheeses.

Don't be such a sourpuss, have some cream cheese!

Stop being such a know-it-all, or I'll brie-friend you!

Do not fret. Take it cheesy.

Q- What is the best way to make a mouse smile? A - Say cheese!

Funny Birthday puns

A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the ride!

Birthdays are like boogers…the older you get, the more you have!

The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.

You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake!

You're not getting older, you're just a little closer to death.

Don't worry, you're not getting old, you're just getting closer to being able to afford retirement.

Don't worry about getting older, you're just getting closer to getting your driver's license.

Don't worry, you're not getting old, you're just getting closer to being able to drink alcohol.

I'm not getting older, I'm getting cake.

Funny Related puns

• Monkey puns
• Egg puns
• Penguin puns
• Bunny puns
• Tree puns
• Flower puns
• Fire puns

Funny Food puns

I just wrote a book about tortillas. It's called Wrap It Up

I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.

I could go for some food puns right about now.

I love food, and I love puns, so food puns are the best

of both worlds!

I'm a little kneady.

I doughnut know what to say.

I'm a little crusty.

I'm a little doughy.

I'm a little bit ketchup of you.

You're such a Gouda friend.

I'm so jelly of you.

You're such a cheesy person.

I'm so nuts about you.

You're such a fruit loop.

I'm in love with you berry much.

You're such a sweet pea.

You're such a carrot top.

I'm so egg-cited to be with you.

How do you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch!

Funny Coffee puns

I like my coffee like I like my men: strong and hot.

I'm not a morning person, but I'm a coffee person.

I'm not addicted to coffee, we're just in a committed relationship.

Coffee is the best part of waking up.

I'm not a coffee addict, I'm a coffee enthusiast.

Hey Girl! You are brew-ti-ful

I love you a latte

It's hard for me to espresso how excited I am!

I can’t espresso how much she beans to me.

You are my best blend

Funny Egg Puns

I'm egg-cited for Easter!

I'm going to have a cracking good time this Easter!

I'm not going to be able to contain my egg-citement this Easter!

I'm so egg-cited I could just burst!

I can't wait to get my hands on some Easter eggs!

I'm egg-static about Easter!

I'm so egg-cited I could just jump for joy!

I'm so egg-cited I could just dance a jig!

I'm so egg-cited I could just sing at the top of my lungs!

I'm so egg-cited I could just run around in circles!

I'm not egg-xactly sure what you're getting at.

Are you egg-noring me?

I'm egg-hausted!

This is egg-cellent!

I'm egg-cited!

I'm egg-static!

I'm egg-noring you!

Funny Fish puns

I'm not a fan of Fish puns, they're a bit fishy.

I'm not sure what kind of Fish puns you're looking for, but I'll just keep swimming.

I'm a little fishy about this whole fish pun thing.

I'm not sure if these fish puns are fin-tastic or just plain fishy.

This boy is gilliant!

There is no consensus a-monk my family

You’re fintastic

Let minnow when you are done eating that fish

Any fin is possible, just don’t trout yourself!

He is smart - you bait!

Funny Cow Puns

I'm not moo-ing around.

I'm not bull-shi#ting you.

I'm not pulling your leg.

I'm not bull-ying you.

I'm not being a cow-ard.

I'm not being a cow-ardly lion.

I'm not being a cow-boy.

I'm not being a cow-girl.

I'm not being a cow-orker.

I'm not being a cow-tipper.

Q If you attended a cow concert, what will you hear? - A - Moo-sic!

Funny Bee Puns

I'm not going to sugarcoat it, I'm just going to bee straight with you

I'm not going to lie, I'm just going to bee honest

I'm not going to beat around the bush, I'm just going to bee direct

I'm not going to mince words, I'm just going to bee blunt

I'm not going to pull any punches, I'm just going to bee straightforward

I'm not going to hold back, I'm just going to bee honest

I'm not going to beat around the bush, I'm just going to bee to the point

I'm not going to mess around, I'm just going to bee straightforward

I'm not going to play games, I'm just going to bee honest

I'm not going to mess with you, I'm just going to bee honest

Funny Golf puns

I'm not a pro at golf, but I know how to putt.

I'm not a fan of golf, but I can appreciate a good hole in one.

Golf was once a rich man’s sport but now it has millions of poor players!

The golfer wore two pairs of pants. Why? A: In case he gets a hole in one!

How come a golfer never eats pie? A: Just in case he gets a slice!

Changing a lightbulb takes how many golfers? A: Fore!

What is the worst nighAre you bad at golf? Jotmare of a golfer? A: The Bogeyman

What is the favorite dance move of a golfer? Ans: The Bogey.

What caused the golfer to buy new pair of socks? Ans: Due to a hole-in-one

Where does a golfer goes on a date? Ans: The golf ball

Funny Puns for kids

Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

I'm not a procrastinator, I just like to do things later.

I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy saving mode.

I'm not addicted to caffeine, I'm just dependent on it.

I'm not short, I'm just concentrated awesome.

I'm not bald. I'm just follicularly challenged.

I'm not telling you what kind of tree I am, but I'm a conifer.

I asked my mom if I could have a pet rock and she said no, so I rock in a pet store.

I'm not a werewolf, but I do howl at the moon.

I'm not a zombie, but I do like brains.

I'm not a witch, but I do have a black cat.

I'm not a ghost, but I do like to haunt people.

I'm not a monster, but I do like to scare people.

Want to hear a construction joke? Oh never mind, I'm still working on that one

How do you throw a space party? You planet!

Funny Bear puns

I refuse to Bear-lieve that puns are corny.

I could Bear-ly contain my excitement when I saw the new bear movie.

I'm not Bear-ing any grudges.

I always Bear-in mind that puns are the lowest form of humor.

I'm not going to Bear-n you with any more bad puns.

This party is Bear-ly tolerable.

I can't Bear this heat!

I'm bearly awake.

I'm bearly functioning.

I'm bearly alive.

I'm bearly breathing.

I'm bearly human.

Funny Fall puns

I'm falling for Fall.

I'm leafing Fall.

I'm raking in the Fall puns.

I'm in my happy Fall place.

I can't wait to jump in a pile of leaves!

I'm so excited for Fall, I might just Fall over!

Can't wait for fall, orange?

Although I didn't trip, I am now in fall.

Is she oak-ay? Yes, she is pine

Which season is the cutest? Aww-tumn.

Funny Bread puns

I'm a little bit crusty.

I'm not feeling very yeasty today.

I'm a loaf of my old self.

I'm not very good at rising to the occasion.

If you're feeling doughy, just knead a little dough.

I'm not breading around.

I'm breading on thin crust.

I'm not a morning person, but I can rise to the occasion.

I'm a little bit kneady.

Funny Pumpkin puns

If you're looking for a good laugh this Halloween, look no further than these 10 pumpkin puns. From clever to silly, these puns are sure to get a chuckle out of even the most serious of pumpkin fans.

This Halloween, don't be such a squash!

I'm not going to be a party pooper this Halloween, but did you know that pumpkins are actually fruits?

I tried to tell my doctor that I was feeling gourd, but he didn't believe me.

Don't be such a scaredy-squash this Halloween! 1

I'm not a fan of pumpkin spice lattes, but I do love a good pumpkin spice pun.

Pumpkins are nature's way of saying Happy fall, y'all!

If you're ever feeling down, just remember that pumpkins are always there for you.

Life’s gourd

Have a gourd time in the Halloween party!

Oh My Gourd! Pumpkin is amazing

Funny Bird puns

I'm sorry for what I said when I was a little pea-cocky.

I'm not chicken to admit I'm a little pigeon-toed.

I'm a little long in the beak.

I'm a little bird brain.

I'm a little feather-headed.

I'm not the most eagle-eyed.

If you don't believe in bird puns, you're not fowl about it.

These bird puns will quack you up!

I was going to make a bird pun, but I chickened out.

How can you prevent bird flu? Ans: By getting emu-nized

Funny Wine Puns

Wine not?

I wine a lot.

Wine o'clock.

Wine down for what?

I could wine about this all day.

Let's get this wine-ing!

Wine not join us?

Wine a little, laugh a lot.

He makes pour decisions

Sip happens

Funny Pizza puns

Pizza is a delicious food that can be enjoyed by people of all ages. However, it can also be the source of some hilarious puns. Here are 10 of the funniest pizza puns:

If you don’t like your pizza, send it back to Italy!

Why did the pizza cross the road? Because it was hungry!

I’m not a fan of pizza, but I still think it’s a-maze-ing!

I’m not a fan of mushrooms, but I still think they’re fun-gi!

I’m not a fan of olives, but I still think they’re olive-able!

I'm Dough-ing my best!

How does a pizza introduce itself? Ans: Slice to meet you.

When a pizza sleeps, what do you call it? Ans: piZZZZZZZZZa.

Is there a reason why the mushroom is always invited to pizza parties? Ans: Because it’s such a FUN-gi

What was the parmesan's response when it dumped the mozzarella? Ans: I'm sorry, but I'm too mature for you

Funny Flower puns

These flower puns are sure to make you smile. From rose puns to sunflower puns, there's a little bit of everything. So, if you're looking for a way to brighten someone's day, send them one of these funny flower puns.

What is a flower that's always laughing called? A gigglem weed!

Why did the flower go to the doctor? Because he was feeling a little bit petaled!

What is a flower that's really good at math called? A TWOlip!

What is a flower that's always hungry called? A voracious violet!

What is a flower that's really good at tennis called? A marigold!

What is a flower that's always telling jokes called? A jonquil!

What is a flower that's always tired called? A sleepy daisy!

What is a flower that's really good at swimming called? A water lily!

Funny Thanksgiving puns

I'm thankful for my mother-in-law's cooking, even though it's a little bit underdone.

I'm thankful for my sister-in-law's sense of humor, even though she sometimes jokes about my weight.

I'm thankful for my brother-in-law's ability to fix things, even though he sometimes breaks them first.

I'm thankful for my husband's snoring, because it means he's finally asleep.

Thanksgiving is the perfect time to reflect on all the things we're thankful for... like wine.

Oh my gourd! I drank too much

Funny Tree puns

I'm not a lumberjack, but I do know how to fell a tree.

I was going to tell a tree joke, but I couldn't quite remember how it went.

I asked a birch tree how it was doing, and it just barked at me.

I asked a cedar tree how it was doing, and it just shrugged.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind it's tearable.

She was so beautiful, you WOOD not believe it

How did the tree react when the bank closed? The tree started its own branch.

Tree’s favorite dating app - Timber

Funny Donut puns

Donut think twice about these funny donut puns!

I donut care what anyone says, I love donuts!

I would do anything for a donut!

I donut know what I would do without donuts!

I donut know why everyone loves donuts so much, but I'm not one to judge!

I heard that a donut a day keeps the doctor away!

If you don't like donuts, you're hole-y wrong!

Donut worry, be happy!

Life is short, eat donuts!

Funny Horse puns

Whether you're looking for a laugh or just want to add a bit of fun to your day, these funny horse puns are sure to do the trick. So what are you waiting for? Saddle up and enjoy!

I’m not horse-ing around.

That’s one heck of a neigh-borhood.

He’s a real horse’s a#s.

She’s a real filly.

He’s a real stud.

She’s a real mare.

He’s a real gelding.

Funny Easter puns

Easter is right around the corner, and we all know what that means - time for some fun Easter puns! Here are 10 of the funniest Easter puns for you to enjoy:

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the Easter egg hunt!

How do you catch a Easter Bunny? You put chocolate in a trap!

What is a Easter Bunny with a cold called? A runny nose!

Why did the Easter Egg hide? Because he was a little chicken!

What do you get when you cross a Easter Bunny with a duck? A chocolate quacker!

What is an Easter Bunny with no teeth called? A gummy bear!

Why did the Easter Bunny go to the doctor? Because he was feeling a little egg-stra!

How do you fix a broken Easter egg? With an egg-cellent glue!

Why did the Easter Bunny trip? Because he was carrying too many eggs!

We hope you enjoyed these Easter puns! Happy Easter everyone!

Funny Animal puns

How does a rabbi make coffee? Hebrews it!

How do you catch a cheetah? You tie him to a post!

How do you catch a wombat? You dig a hole!

Why did the elephant stop telling a story in the middle? Because it was irrelephant.

Why are bees' hair so sticky? Because they use a honeycomb!

What did the hawk say when it fell? This was hawkward.

What is the favorite holiday of a dog? Howl-o-ween

What made the cat go to the vet? Because it wasn't feline fine!

Funny Dinosaurs Puns

Dinosaurs aren't seen at Easter, why? Ans: They're eggs-tinct!

Do dinosaurs with rich vocabularies have any names? Yes -theSAURUS!

What is a sleeping dinosaur called? Ans: A dino-snore!

When a dinosaur crosses with a pig, what do you get? Ans: Jurassic Pork

Is there a reason why dinosaurs wore bandages? Yes, because they were dino-SORE!

A dinosaur won't read you a story, so why should you never ask one? Ans: Their tales are too long

Funny Rock puns

Why did the rock go to the doctor? Because it was feeling a little rocky!

Why did the rock go to the beach? Because it wanted to get a little sand between its toes!

Why did the rock go to the store? Because it needed to stock up on some rock-hard candy!

Why did the rock go to the gym? Because it wanted to work on its rock-hard abs!

She’s a gem. Don’t take her for GRANITE!

I am too much sedimental about my rock collection

Funny Duck Puns

Why did the duck go to the movies? To see the latest quackbuster!

Why did the duck go to the doctor? To get a quack check-up!

Why did the duck go to the dentist? To get his quackers cleaned!

Why did the duck go to the library? To get his quack in gear!

Why did the duck go to the store? To get some quack food!

Why did the duck go to the party? To have a quacking good time!

Funny Fruit puns

What made the banana go to the doctor? It wasn't peeling good!

Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? Because he ran out of juice!

Why did the watermelon have a stomach ache? Because he ate too much candy!

I'm not a fan of fruit, but I'll admit, they're a-peeling.

I tried out for the part of an apple in a play, but I didn't get the core-ography down.

I was going to make a pun about oranges, but I couldn't quite get my peel together.

I'm not going to lie, I'm a little bit of a prune.

I'm not going to sugarcoat it, I'm a bit of a sour grape.

Funny Math puns

I'm pretty good at math, but I'm still not divisible by zero.

I'm not a math person, but I'm pretty good at counting money.

I'm not very good at math, but I can sure multiply my problems!

I'm not very good at math, but I can sure raise my problems to the power of 10!

I tried to make a math joke but I couldn't quite figure it out.

Why do they call it pi? Because it's too delicious to be a circle!

I tried to tell a math joke but it was too complex.

Let's punt this problem down the road

Funny Chicken Puns

How do you keep a chicken from getting out of the coop? You put a lid on it!

How do you know if a chicken is sick? It has the chicken pox!

What is a chicken with no legs called? A chicken nugget!

Why did the chicken get a penalty? For fowl play!

Do you have a hen-kerchief I can borrow?

My mother has great eggs-pectations from me.

Think your chicken coop may be haunted? Call an eggs-orcist!

Funny Taco puns

Let’s find a common topic to taco bout.

I am taco-oing about you

Tacos love what kind of music? Wrap music, duh!

Have you heard about the new Mexican restaurant in the city? It is the taco the town!

What makes tacos untrustworthy? They spill the beans!

Dont hurt the Tacos - they too have fillings

Funny Beach Puns

I'm a little bit sandy.

I sea what you did there.

I'm shore you're beachy keen!

Are we there yet? I'm so shore of it!

I hope you sea the pun!

I'm shore you'll love it!

Shell yeah, it is summer!

The fittest Surf-vives

Funny Mushroom puns

How does a mushroom get to work? By toad!

Can mushrooms party in a small space? No, they need as mushroom as possible!

Why does a mushroom always win the debate? Because it doesn't leave mushroom for argument

Where does a mushroom sit? On a toadstool.

There are no doors or windows in this room. What kind of room is it? A mush-room.

Which mushroom can you carry around?Portabellos

What was the mushroom's problem with school? It spored him

Funny Cactus puns

Cacti are the life of the party... if the party is in the desert.

Cacti are nature's way of saying - No Trespassing.

I’m happy I pricked you.

Life will succ without you

God will never desert us.

Cactus are planttastic.

I am so glad you pricked each other.

Funny Frog puns

What is a frog with no legs called? A hopper!

What is a frog with no arms called? A croaker!

Why do frogs seem to be so happy? Whenever something bugs them, they eat it

Music that frogs like? Hip hop

What did the frog order in the fast food restaurant? Diet croak and French flies

What is the favorite game of a frog? Croak-et.

What was the frog's reason for going to the hospital? He required a hoperation.

Funny Cookie puns

I'm sorry I wasn't able to make it to your cookie party, but I had a lot of Dough-mestic duties to take care of

These cookies are a-dough-rable

Dont give up! bad times will crumb to an end

Oreo a cookie fan?

You are a-dough-rable?

Butter forget it!

Oreo coming with me for a cookie break?

A cookie in the morning bakes my day!

Everything you dough, you dough it for her

Funny Corn Puns

I'm a kernel of a problem.

I'm not corn-fused, I'm just corn-fused.

I'm so sorry for popping up like this.

What's a popcorn's favorite party trick? Popping out of the bag!

Don't let that corn-ivore eat all your popcorn!

No plain corn, please! You can do butter than that!

Why did the corn stalk changed his career? He decided to change his field.

Who has ears, but can’t hear? A field of corn.

Funny Tea puns

It’s very easy to make a cup of tea. Tea-dious is to wait for the kettle to boil

You are brew-tea-ful

Steep dreams!

This tea shop sells qual-tea teas

All of you, please kettle-down

You are a matcha made in heaven

This tea is tea-rrific

Tea gives me a feeling of safe-tea.